I'm so weak, don't you want someone strong?
I just heard these lyrics, they're making me think. I don't like to admit to being weak or thinking I'm weak... I can do it myself.. or so I think most of the time. For example, my college algebra class.. yeah last monday I FINALLY went and talked to my professor about my horrible grade, I realized that I couldn't do the difficult ridiculous problems on my own.
I like to do things on my OWN. It's just the way I am... maybe I'm a bit more of a control freak than what I seem to think.
Okay, so the lyrics.
Even though I don't like to admit ever that I really am 90% of the time helpless and completely ridiculously weak, I am. And that scares the heck out of me.
Ridiculous is my word of the day obviously. So I'll probably use it again.
In the past year, I've tried to do so many things on my own... and honestly a lot of those things have worked out it seemed. But then I think of the times that I cried myself to sleep or just had to drive somewhere to get out... all of these times I have cried out to God from the depths of my being. Those are the moments that I know I am weak and I cannot do it alone.
But then that moment passes... things start looking up again... and once again I can do it all by myself. It is a shame really.
In the past 24 hours, my head has been so many places. So many things I want, and so many things I don't need, yet that is.
Time is everything, it's just so hard to wait when you want something so bad.
I would like to think that God would like someone strong... because if he wanted someone strong then I would be cut out the equation completely, because strong is something I only strive to be. I wouldn't even have to worry about him pursuing me.
But the truth is that He wants my pathetic, and at times ridiculously stupid self, to be his love.
He wants me weak and helpless and pathetic and torn, because he wants to use me.
I don't understand it. 3/4's of the time I don't even want to try to understand it, because it's easier to push it away and sleep it off.
This is where my head is.
Everything leads back to him, no matter how fast I try to run.
